in our lives.
is growing up way too fast!! i am so blessed to be her mommy. my life completely changed the day we found out we were pregnant. i can remember that day so clearly. it is not the normal average day that one finds out they are pregnant. our story began 4 years before. those 4 years were long and painful. i felt like my life was on hold. i couldn't see beyond us having a family. we turned to
Dr. g. she was amazing, nice and sweet. she cared about us as a family when we were just a party of 2. i was never a number. the office staff always used my name and were always friendly. we had just done our transfer 2 weeks before, and i had one more day to go before i had my first beta, blood test, to see if our
ivf cycle had worked. i was laying in bed and i was so
curious to find out. i got up and found a pregnancy test deep in my bathroom
cabinets. i used it. and watched as the two lines lit up. i couldn't move. i called charlie b and told him. he was silent, followed with "really, no really?" i called the doc. and told them what i had done. i asked if i could come in to get the blood test today, instead of tomorrow. they said come on down... i called
Cari, and i think she got to my house in about 5 min. we drove down town without saying much. now i know that a at-home pregnancy test can not have a false positive. so i was so excited, but i had experienced so many negatives that i didn't want to even dream about a positive and all that came with it, until i heard
Dr. g. say that my blood test was positive. the blood draw took less than 5 minutes and i gave them my cell phone number to call. they told me that if they didn't call me by 4pm, to call the office. as
Cari and i drove home, she asked me how i could be so calm. i told her that i have been at this point so many times, that this was just something that i did. i can't remember what i did to pass the time that afternoon. but about 3:45 i walked across the street to my girlfriends house. since they hadn't called, and it was getting close to 4, i was starting to lose hope. i needed somebody there with me to make that call. charlie b was at work. my mom was at work, my sister and dad were working.
Kim was home. so we sat on her couches and stared at my cell til it was 4pm. i looked at her, she smiled and told me i can do it. i called the office and spoke to the girl who makes the
apts. when i told her who i was and that i was told to call if i hadn't heard from them. she said"
I'm sorry
Jill," i jumped in and said "your sorry that i am not pregnant, or that your office didn't call me. and she said "oh, no.
I'm sorry that i didn't call you earlier because, sweetheart, you are pregnant!" i looked at
Kim without saying anything. and the tears fell down from my eyes. i said "really?" and she reassured me that everything looked great, and my beta numbers were fantastic. i was instructed to come back in 2 days to take another blood test. i got off of the phone, placed it back on the coffee table, and sat there. i turned to look at
Kim. she had tears down her face and had the biggest smile on her face. she heard the whole conversation and was so happy for charlie b and me. i said, "i can't move, i am afraid to move." and we started laughing and crying. i then walked across the street to our house and called charlie b. he was so excited! so technically, charlie b was the second person that found out. and by the time charlie b got home, more people knew. my sister was the 3rd person that i told. she was in
Michael's, shopping. when i told her, she started
screaming!! and i was laughing. i then called my mom at work, and my dad at home. at the same time, charlie told several people and when he got home, we went over to his parents house and told them. when we got home,
Jeff and
Veronica brought over a dozen of pink roses.
our lives have been forever blessed. our journey to
zella was crazy. worth every minute and every pretty penny it took to get her. i can't imagine my life without her. she is the sweetest, funniest little 5 year old that i have ever met. she always has a smile on her face. it is because of her, that i get to be a mommy, and charlie b a daddy. because of her we are a party of 3, a family. i love her so much that it hurts. sometimes i look at
pictures of her when she was a baby, and my heart aches. to me, she is the most beautiful little girl i have ever
seen. she is so full of life and hope. and she has all of her future to be and do whatever she wants.
i love you so much baby! you make me so proud!
yesterday was too nice outside to stay indoors. when zella got up i asked her what she wanted to do today. she said go on a picnic. so we rode our bikes up to the park and had a picnic. we snacked on cheese sticks and apples. we played with the tea set we brought and had a great tea party at the park.
after we drank all of our tea and at all of our food, we went to the playground. we had the entire park to ourselves. nobody was there. so we climbed, swung, slid, jumped, chased and laughed. we had a great time. after a while, i wanted to swing. they have this big red chair-swing, perfect for leaning back on. so i was swinging in it and zella wanted to sit on my lap. we were swinging as high as we could. i was tilting my head back, so that i could look straight at the sky. this is when my heart became so full. i was overwhelmed. and i was so thankful to be her mommy. i told zella that i hope she remembers days like these. the kind of day that we ditched all of our normal plans to go and play at the park. the kind of day that she is the most important person in my life. the kind of day that was filled with so much joy and fun. days that we spent together, just her and i. i told her that having a tea party was one of my favorite things. i said that i loved her so much and i hope she remembers that.
i was holding her as tight as i could on my lap, swinging as high as we could. i asked her if she would stop growing up. that i wanted her to stay my little girl forever. she asked me why, and i said that each day she lives gets us one day closer to the day she will move out of our house to live on her own. and each day gets her closer to the day she meets the man she will fall in love with and marry. and that i will love my job as a grandmother, i love her where she is right now. she looked at me and said, i don't want to move out. i want to live with you and daddy forever. me too baby, me too. but then reality set in and i told her that one day she will want to move out, get married and start her own family. and that daddy and i would be really happy for her when that time comes. she turned her head around and said, but you like me at five? yes baby, i like you at five!
